September 25, 2003

Dateline: Madrid

Good afternoon,

After to a series of misadventures too ludicrous to describe, I've found my way back to the gentle confines of Madrid. I can barely believe it myself, and can't fit the experience into my mind long enough to describe it accurately. For legal reasons, I can't say too much about how I was able to leave Baghdad. I'll just observe that posing as bodyguard for the Iraqi delegation to OPEC is both intensely frightening and mind-scaldingly dull. I'll leave it at that for now, except to say that I have never, ever been so glad to get back home.

My apartment was crawling with mice and unread mail. Amongst the bills and angry letters, I found a parcel from America containing something called Flash. Although I dislike computer effluvia, after my long months in Baghdad it seemed an innocuous way to ease myself back into the technological world.

I slipped the CD into my newly acquired laptop (filched from Ahmad Chalabi ... tell no one), and hit a few random keys. It didn't appear too byzantine. Now all I needed was subject matter. Picking up an American newspaper, I read with bewilderment the story of the "do-not-call list". After being trapped in a place where they consider it a minor miracle if the phones ring at all, I had to shake my head at the idea of a populace that gets so many calls that the government has to intervene to put a stop to it.

Still, I understand the ire of my fellow Americans. I've spent half my life trying to find a place where the hucksters and charlatans will just leave me alone. There seems to be no such place. So, in solidarity with the 50 million people (more than voted for the current president) who don't want to be harassed by unsolicited sales pitches, I've expulsed this primitive little animation:

NewsFlash

Hope you all enjoy it.

Best regards,

Newton